Анекдот - Прими яд

«Rabbi, something terrible is happening (что-то ужасное происходит) and I have to talk to you about it (и мне нужно поговорить с вами об этом).»
The rabbi asked, «What's wrong, Abe? (что случилось: “что неправильно”)»
Abe replied, «My wife is poisoning me (отравляет меня; poison — яд).»
The rabbi was very surprised (удивлен) by this and asks, «How can that be? (как это возможно: “может быть”)»
Abe then pleads (уверяет; to pead — защищать /в суде/; обращаться с просьбой; просить, умолять), «I'm telling you (я вам говорю), I'm certain (я уверен) she's poisoning me, what should I do? (что я должен делать = что мне делать)»
The rabbi then offers (тогда предлагает), «Tell you what (вот что я тебе скажу). Let me talk to her (позволь мне поговорить с ней), I'll see what I can find out (я погляжу, что я смогу выяснить; to find — находить) and I'll let you know (и я дам тебе знать).»
A week later the rabbi calls (зовет; звонит) Abe and says, «Well, I spoke to your wife (я говорил с твоей женой /to speak-spoke-spoken/). I spoke to her on the phone (по телефону) for three hours (в течение трех часов). You want my advice? (хочешь мой совет)»
Abe anxiously says (тревожно), «Yes.»
«Take the poison (прими яд),» says the rabbi.

• Версия на Английском без подсказок

  Abe goes to see his rabbi.
  "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it."
  The rabbi asked, "What's wrong, Abe?"
  Abe replied, "My wife is poisoning me."
  The rabbi was very surprised by this and asks, "How can that be?"
  Abe then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what should I do?"
  The rabbi then offers, "Tell you what.
  Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."
  A week later the rabbi calls Abe and says, "Well, I spoke to your wife.
  I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?"
  Abe anxiously says, "Yes."
  "Take the poison," says the rabbi.