Анекдот - Что за день

After dinner, he complimented his wife on the food (он похвалил жену за еду) and kissed her again (снова). "Do you always do that? (ты всегда так делаешь)" asked the visitor (спросил гость) when they were alone (когда они были одни).
"You bet I do (конечно, да; to bet - держать пари; биться об заклад)," answered the man. "It helps keep our marriage a happy one (это помогает сохранить наш брак счастливым)." The visitor was greatly impressed (сильно впечатлен) and decided (решил) to use the same procedure with his own wife (использовать то же действие с его собственной женой; procedure - образ действия; процедура /напр. парламентская/ [pr∂`si:dż∂]).
That night (в тот вечер) he swept her into his arms (он сгреб ее в объятия: «в руки» /to sweep-swept-swept - мести/) when he got home (когда он пришел домой /to get-got-got - получать; прибыть, добраться/) and kissed her warmly (нежно; warm - теплый).
"Sweetheart (милая: sweet - сладкий + heart - сердце)," he said, "you look wonderful tonight (ты выглядишь чудесно сегодня /вечером/), and I'm a lucky man to have such a beautiful wife (я счастлив, имея такую прелестную жену)." His wife looked at him in amazement (с удивлением), then burst into tears (затем залилась слезами /to burst-burst-burst - лопнуть; разразиться/).
"For Pete's sake (ради /святого/ Петра)," exclaimed (воскликнул) the astonished (изумленный) man, "what's the matter? (в чем дело, что случилось)" "What a day this has been! (что за день это был)" his wife answered.
"First Johnny (сначала Джонни) sprained his ankle (растянул лодыжку), then the washing machine (затем стиральная машина) broke down (сломалась /to break-broke-broken/) and flooded the basement (затопила подвал; basement - фундамент, цоколь; подвал), and now you come home drunk! (а теперь /и/ ты /еще/ приходишь домой пьяный)"

• Версия на Английском без подсказок

  A man accompanied a friend home for dinner one evening and noticed that as soon as they entered the door, his friend kissed his wife and told her how pretty she looked. After dinner, he complimented his wife on the food and kissed her again.
  "Do you always do that?" asked the visitor when they were alone.
  "You bet I do," answered the man. "It helps keep our marriage a happy one."
  The visitor was greatly impressed and decided to use the same procedure with his own wife. That night he swept her into his arms when he got home and kissed her warmly. "Sweetheart," he said, "you look wonderful tonight, and I'm a lucky man to have such a beautiful wife."
  His wife looked at him in amazement, then burst into tears.
  "For Pete's sake," exclaimed the astonished man, "what's the matter?"
  "What a day this has been!" his wife answered. "First Johnny sprained his ankle, then the washing machine broke down and flooded the basement, and now you come home drunk!"