Анекдот - Сажаем салат

«I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden (я решила посадить салат в огороде; lettuce [`letıs]).
When is the best time to plant them? (когда лучшее время сажать его)»
The prisioner, knowing that the prison guards (зная, что тюремные охранники) read all the mail (читают всю почту), replied in a letter (ответил в письме):
«Dear Wife (милая жена), whatever you do (что бы ты ни делала), DO NOT touch the back garden! (не трогай огород) That is where I hid all the gold (там я спрятал все золото /to hide-hid-hidden/).»
A week or so later (неделю или около того спустя), he received another (другое) letter from his wife:
«You wouldn't believe what happened (ты не поверишь, что случилось).
Some men came with shovels (несколько мужчин пришли с лопатами) to the house (к дому), and dug up the whole back garden (и перекопали весь огород /to dig-dug-dug/).»
The prisoner wrote (написал /to write-wrote-written/) another letter:
«Dear wife, NOW is the best time to plant the lettuce! (сейчас — лучшее время сажать салат)»

• Версия на Английском без подсказок

  A prisioner in jail received a letter from his wife:
  "I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden.
  When is the best time to plant them?"
  The prisioner, knowing that the prison guards read all the mail, replied in a letter:
  "Dear Wife, whatever you do, DO NOT touch the back garden!
  That is where I hid all the gold."
  A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife:
  "You wouldn't believe what happened.
  Some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up the whole back garden."
  The prisoner wrote another letter:
  "Dear wife, NOW is the best time to plant the lettuce!"