Анекдот - протез

The seaman notes (замечает) that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch (что у пирата деревянная нога; peg — колышек; протез руки; «крюк»; и повязка на глазу).
The seaman asks (спрашивает), «So, how did you end up with the peg-leg? (и как же ты заработал деревянную ногу: “как ты кончил с деревянной ногой”)»
The pirate replies (отвечает), «We were in a storm at sea (мы были в море во время шторма), and I was swept (меня смыло /to sweep-swept-swept — сносить, смывать (волной)/) overboard (за борт) into a school (косяк, стая) of sharks (акул). Just as my men were pulling me out (пока мои ребята меня вытаскивали), a shark bit my leg off (откусила мою ногу /to bite-bit-bitten — кусать/; to bite off — откусить).»
«Wow!» said the seaman. «What about your hook? (а что случилось с рукой; дословно: а что о твоем протезе)»
«Well (ну),» replied the pirate, «We were boarding an enemy ship (мы брали на абордаж вражеский корабль) and were battling the other sailors with swords (и сражались с теми моряками на саблях; sword — меч, шпага, сабля). One of (один из) the enemies cut my hand off (отрезал мою руку /to cut-cut-cut — резать/; to cut off — отрезать).»
«Incredible! (невероятно)» remarked (заметил) the seaman. «How did you get the eye patch? (а как ты получил повязку на глаз)»
«A seagull dropping fell into my eye (чайка капнула мне в глаз; drop — капля; здесь: помет; /to fall-fell-fallen — падать/),» replied the pirate.
«You lost your eye to a seagull dropping? (ты потерял свой глаз из-за помета чайки /to lose-lost-lost/)» the sailor asked incredulously (недоверчиво).
«Well,» said the pirate, «it was my first day with my hook (это был мой первый день с моим протезом).»

• Версия на Английском без подсказок

  A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch.
  The seaman asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"
  The pirate replies, "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off."
  "Wow!" said the seaman. "What about your hook?"
  "Well," replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off."
  "Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eye patch?"
  "A seagull dropping fell into my eye," replied the pirate.
  "You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the sailor asked incredulously.
  "Well," said the pirate, "it was my first day with my hook."